and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
