Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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