do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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