3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
