Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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