I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
