so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
