I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
