i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
