she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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