I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
