They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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