I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
