TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
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