You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
