Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I need to stop coming to work sober
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
