I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
