You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
