see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
