Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
