Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
