i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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