Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
