....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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