I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
