he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
