So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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