You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We are all done wearing pants today
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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