We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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