i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
