Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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