why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
