this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
