Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
