i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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