I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My bed smells like the plague
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
