dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
