clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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