Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
