so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
did you just send me my own nude
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
