3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Randomize
