I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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