this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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