he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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