she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
