Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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