love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
