ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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