Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He passed out mid-signature
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
