There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
sarcasm needs its own font
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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