Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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