Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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