I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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