3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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