I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
