I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Actions speak louder than pants.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
