Pants 0. Shit 1.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
